In a Linked-In group, someone posted a link to an article about listening to youth, asking, “Do young people’s opinions deserve the same respect as old people’s?”
Yes, we shouldn’t be prejudiced against any person, due to age or anything else, when we start listening. Yes, if their story gets strange it’s great to remember this person has a history and a limited experience. Especially if there’s a strange invitation, it’s great to beware of their agenda.
And, opportunities abound. Some older people have perspectives informed by years of experience filled with amazing insights and wisdom. Some young people have fascinating experiences as well, unencumbered by years of trying to survive in the culture and its effects on personality. Younger people were raised in an age that has amazingly higher levels of communication and tons of new tools. But older people have lived through these times as well and saw their worlds blossom with new inputs, connections and abilities. And all of us have plenty of shallow thoughts to share, complaints and the echoes of others’ words rattling around in our often-self-absorbed minds.
All these perspectives can help shake up how we listen. We listen so often from our automatic patterns of thinking and feeling, and from our expectations. Upon reflection, most people say they know a tiny fraction of what there is to know, and believe “to err is human”, yet our automatic way of listening is from our knowledge, believing whatever our brains tell us, whatever we feel is true.
My take-away is to stop judging. Sure, the mind will. I should listen to the content and try on the perspective and see what new sights I can see, what value there is. I should notice what my mind thinks it knows, what prejudices it brings, what judgments it’s dropping in as filters, blocking my openness, dimming my mood.
What if every person can be new in every moment. What if the value of their words has much more to do with how I listen than what they say? What if my mind’s protective filtering mechanisms are overkill? I read about a commencement speech which seemed to be a downer, a complaint, so people heckled. Did they catch the wisdom at the end, the opportunity? How much do we miss?
We turn people into objects with attributes, like “age” or “freshness”. We do the same with “respect”. What is it? Is it really a thing? We invent “deserving” and then ask, “Do opinions deserve respect?” Consider for a moment that all this may not be valuable.
Yes, it’s valuable to catch myself when I’m disrespecting, and give it up. It means I’m lost in my own thoughts, my own superiority, my own ego. Giving that up is a great aid to listening. But if I suddenly am captivated with the thought that I “should be respecting more people” it’s just the flip-side, again I’m lost in my own ego-centered thoughts. I’m “in my head” instead of listening.
Perhaps respect is never, ever something we give. Perhaps it’s simply a story we tell ourselves about people who listen.
