In the first through third posts, I wrote about the story of my life, what I’d write next, and who I’d want my character to be. Courageous and honorable.

I told my wife a bit about it, and that I’d want the character to be honorable. She said something about how I’m not. Ouch. That hurt.

But that’s what she sees. To me, I’m up to something much bigger than me. I’m not practiced at being up to something big. I’m not good at networking or being social. I’m lousy at sales and marketing. I’m not good at product management. So it’s not really surprising that I’m failing.

And I use my word, my promises, to help drive me forward. I give my word like throwing a hat over a fence, to make me climb over the fence and get it. I thought PeopleCount would easily launch by April. June was a sure bet. I didn’t foresee the first developer wasting 6 weeks and then quitting without a word. Then it took three weeks to decide on the next team. And then they added weeks to it and did less than minimal. So they, too, had taken two months and delivered very little. Then I worked with another two guys and they delivered nothing for a week. And so I’m working alongside this other small team. And it’s going slow, but we’re getting it done. But it has been almost six months instead of 2-3.

My wife took my forecast of June as a promise. I knew that. So I promised June.

And I promised I’d deliver PeopleCount to hundreds of people. No one else on the planet is capable of it. Really. Many people could be. Some have the money to be. Some are deeply committed to the results that PeopleCount can produce. Some are bright enough. Some are honest enough. But none have committed, except me. So it’s all up to me…

But my wife thinks the sacrifice of the money we’ve put into it is too large. Much too large. She agrees with my father that if no one else has invested real money in it, it’s not worth investing in. It’s a fool’s errand. To her, I’m delusional. And she thinks (and it may be true), that others think I’m delusional, too.

And she thinks I’m risking the well-being of our family. And that our family should come first. And between that and breaking the promise of June 7th, I’m not being honorable. That’s her judgement.

If there’s anything harder than doing something impossible and big. If there’s anything harder than doing something largely alone that a well-financed team should be working on, it’s doing it largely alone with the disapproval of one’s family. And without their respect. (I’m pretty sure it’s not respectful to tell someone that he’s delusional…)

Incidentally, I’m not delusional. I don’t think PeopleCount will work out. I’m committed that I either make it work, or at least I make a big splash trying, to get the idea into the culture. It certainly CAN work. In fact, a number of people have said that with a real team and a million dollars in funding, they’re convinced we’d have a high probability of success.

But this is all from people who can’t afford to donate…  Well, except for one who said his millions are already committed to something else…

Ok. I’ll get back to work… And I say that I’ve struggled to be honorable. And I’ll continue striving for that.