I looked up the word “asshole”. When applied to a person, the dictionary says it means a despicable or detestable person. Or a stupid, mean, or contemptible person. UrbanDictionary.com says it’s “your current boss“… (Note: this blog has nothing to do with politics, at least yet…)

To me it means someone with little or no empathy. Someone who doesn’t care for others or their property or something else they care about, what’s important to them.

What about a guy who doesn’t care about others, but cares about following the rules so he stays safe and doesn’t have to deal with the repercussions? He’s also an asshole. (He’s just not a complete asshole…)

I care about others. I’m not saying I’m better than assholes, just different. I probably seem better to you. Because if I met you I’d be nice. I probably seem better for society because I clean up after myself. But that’s from your, or society’s points of view.

Most of us think empathy is good and being an asshole is bad because we empathize with people. We like to think of ourselves as good.[1]

Whenever I eat, my dog sits and watches me. So when I’m not eating raisins, I usually share with him. I like it when he eats. If I listen closely to my thoughts and feelings, when he’s eating I can detect my pleasure, similar to when I eat. The sensations are different, but the thoughts and feelings are there. This is empathy.

My dad is almost 90. At times, he’ll say, about some country: “Nuke the bastards.” He has said that occasionally throughout my whole life.

But he takes care of people. He’s always been generous and warm to my mom, my three brothers and me, and to our families. And to friends, their families, and neighbors.

He genuinely cares about others. He was an electrical engineer and then a manager, and then the VP of Engineering. He told me lots of stories about how the president of the company could neither design a product not run the company- his strength was only in sales. Dad had to steer the company from underneath for years. What he was most proud of was that by keeping the company solvent, he created a lot of good, steady jobs for people. That was the fulfilling part of his job.

And he loved animals. He hunted for years but never hit anything. One day he finally set up a hunting trip so he’d be sure to hit one. When the time came, he put his gun down. And he traded his gun for binoculars.

One of my brothers had a dog that was hit by a car. I was puzzled when my dad told me about it, and how much the hospital bills were. I asked him, “How do you know whether to hospitalize a dog, vs put it down?” He said, “It’s family.” He simply cared.

Then how could he say, “Nuke the bastards?”

In the human brain, our neo-cortex is large and handles all of our higher-level thinking. But when we’re scared, our amygdala takes over and we’re thrown into fight, flight or freeze.

Similarly, when we’re angry or mean, the empathy is turned off, or is overwhelmed.

I empathize with your wanting to control Congress, to have them work for you. I empathize with their frustration at entering public service and having to raise money and fight political battles instead of serving the public. I empathize with people who are angry, frustrated or even suffering because we can’t even pass laws that over 90% of us agree on.

That’s why, with your help, I’m creating PeopleCount.org. For me. And for you.

[1] Often we ignore the fact that we don’t empathize with assholes about being assholes. Except sometimes we do, when we act like assholes…